Something that's just mine

Sometimes the strangest things really get to me. I'm a pretty easy going kind of person in general, but every so often I find myself getting really frustrated or angry about things that I should just let go. The other night for example, I had been looking forward to having pie and mash for dinner. I love mash potato you know. It's by far my favourite way of eating potato! Anyway, I got home, ready to cook, and found we had no potatoes. Usually I'd be creative and come up with another option, but no, I just got all sulky and silly over it. We had a few chips with the pies in the end, and it was OK... just not what I'd been looking forward to.
I had a similar sulky moment today too, in Morrisons, while we were doing the shopping. For some reason Steve wandering off with the trolley and not going up and down every aisle like we normally do really made me cross. I have no idea why. So it wasn't wholly successful, and I made him put the soap back too, smugly knowing there was more at home... when it turns out there wasn't. There we go.

So what's wrong? I don't know. I suppose in some ways I feel like I don't have much control over things at the moment. Everything I do seems to be at the whim of someone else and I don't feel as if I have much influence. It's probably just a silly passing mood that will flit away as quickly as it arrived. It's not really that I have very much I'd really like to do either- that's the worst thing! I'm not being stopped from doing things I want to do, it's just that I don't necessarily feel like doing the things I am doing, of you see what I mean.

We were talking about this in a roundabout kind of way this evening. I'm reading Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things at the moment, and while I'm enjoying it, i don't think it's actually what I'm in the mood to read. I just can't quite work out what it is I want to be reading. Steve suggests things he's read, which is fine, but his suggestions are things he's loved reading, and like he said when I reacted unenthusiastically to them, "you want to find your own books. Books just for you." And it's true- that's what my reading has always been about. And that's what I feel I'm missing in general- something that's just mine.

Silly huh?