Cheery!

In wonder if the formatting is fixed? Well we'll soon see!

I feel a bit more cheerful now as we get into the run to the big day. I think because things are finally settled- we know who's coming, we have the presents sorted for everyone (well part from Vic which is going to be a very last minute one form the looks of things) and even though I haven't shaken the cold yet, I just feel cheery today. I hope it lasts!

I've got to stay in today to wait for the delivery of Steve's Mum's present. It's a bit of a bugger really as they will deliver any time between... wait for it... 7am and 6pm. That's a very large window of delivery. Its a bit annoying as I really wanted to pop out and get a couple of bits today but I really don't want to miss the delivery guy and let Steve down. I can only imagine the hassle trying to get it re-delivered would cause. I'm just too nice!

So anyway I'd better go and do the top secret present wrapping that today has been set aside for!

Complaining again

*sigh*

Here we are a week before Christmas and I've got a cold. 
I suppose it was only to be expected really, as things continue to escalate before the big day. 
I'm really pleased that Steve is going to be joining us all now, and that Grandma will be up with us too. 
I think with them there and with Luke and Annabel too, we'll be fine because there's plenty there that will take the emphasis off all the probelms.

But I don't feel too good, and I hope that I can get rid of this before Christmas. 

I suppose I haven't really registered yesterday's news about my Nan in Yeovil. 
According to Dad she's had a stroke sometime in the last few days (and his sister didn't let him know either, which frankly is outrageous if you ask me) 
Dad sounded really upset about it, as you can imagine. 
I don't know what to think.  The relationships with Dad side of the family have always been rather odd to be honest. 
I'm not sure I like all of them, but they are my family and that's sometimes worth putting aside. 
But what can i do about this? Nothing really, just look out for Dad I think.
It's funny how things go... this year is coasting to it's end with a series of very stressful things happening. 
I am stressed and earlier I got very upset about something trivial really on the forum. I haven't made a big thing about it on there, but it got to me. 
Andy Frankham has always had a way of doing that. 

I think I'm just feeling drained and vulnerable at the moment and really I should be in bed sleeping.

Won't be long now. Just dinner and possibly a bath and I'll be off.

 

Free Dinners!

What an unexpectedly busy week this is turning into. The original plan was devote ourselves to The Daleks Masterplan this week, but we've got as far as Day of Armageddon and ground to a halt! There's been a Christmas Do (mine) and a Fest (Steve's) which took out the weekend. The Fest was probably more successful than my Christmas do, but 1 less successful one out of the 7 I've been too with the library ladies isn't bad really. Everyone was just a bit subdued this year which was a shame, and I don't think I was really in the mood sadly. Hey ho.

Tuesday night was spent putting up the Christmas Decs, so we're looking nicely festive now with all our trees... There's a couple you know! I also began the long process of writing all the Christmas cards. It always takes a while as I like to write a little something in each one just to make me feel better really- it makes each one personal doesn't it? A little effort is always worthwhile. We haven't actually posted them yet (or The Avengers DVDs we sold at the weekend) but the thought was there!

Yesterday I got two meals from my parents! Mum took me out for lunch and we had a god chat. She was really open about things with me, which was nice, but worrying because I can see that some of the news will make the rest of the family very cross really, but I was pelased she felt able to trust me with it. She has been very distant the last few months and I hope this is a turning point. Dad then took us all out for dinner in the evening. That was great! I had my second Christmas meal (I love Christmas pudding you know!) and there was a pleasent atmosphere./ I was pelased to see my brther and Steve chatting away together about books and music and things. I hope Laura is ok today having her wisdom teeth out.

And the long process of writinbg story 3 has begun! It was so exciting yestreday getting emails with ideas and knocking the beginnings of a plot into shape. There's some good ideas in there and I'm I think we can really make it work. Rather wonderfully me and Si had similar ideas for one of the settings, which made things easy. It helps that that year is one I know quite a lot about, so we should be able to make it pretty accurate- and the music will be good!!

What a difference a day makes...

I've had a lovely afternoon. It's been one of those rare occasions that me and Gaz have got together for a couple of hours without our respective partners and had a good old chat. It was really good too. We've always been good at that ever since we first met, and it's nice to know that we're still good at it!
He's a good friend you know.

Anyway I talked quite alot about all the stuff with Mum and Dad, which helped a great deal (I think it's good sometimes to talk to someone who isn't involved in it at all) and it was good to get a different perspective on the matter. Hooray! I even got some career advice for the new year job hunt.

I got him to come along to the writers group today. It was a really strange meeting today, just to add to the fun- we were recording our work for an anthology, so we sat and read our poems and stories into a microphone. That wasn't too odd really, except that Emma decided to sing her poem, which was unexpected... very unexpected! It wasn't as if it really needed to be sung either- she just kind of did it on a whim! Fantastic! Her work is ermmm "interesting" anyway, but the singing added a whole new layer of "we mustn't laugh... we mustn't laugh" to it! I tried not to catch Richard's eye! She never fails to be entertaining, if only for all the wrong reasons!

So I'm feeling a bit more upbeat this afternoon.

Irrational Simon

Sometimes it's better to just think of the banal parts of everyday life rather than be dragged into all the behind the scenes skullduggery. Some nights it takes ages to get to sleep simply because my head is full of stuff that I need to sort out. Last night I was worried by the new trend of the washing up not getting done, this weekend's fest and what I'm going to wear to the Christmas do.
In the end I decided that none of those things were really worth worrying about as they're all pretty trivial, but they did give me a restless hour. That was a shame too, because I could have done with a good night's sleep.

As you may have noticed from that list of stuff, I gave in to my no fests in our house rule because I'm nice (and I wanted a lift home from the Christmas Do and thought I deserved to give Steve something back in advance). I'm a bit worried I have to say that already it's gained another night. I feel very mean about this, but I do need a good night's sleep before the Christmas Do. As it is I have to work on Saturday before we go out, but all the dancing takes a lot of energy... who can keep up with a group of middle aged women, after all? So I really didn't want a house full of people tomorrow night... but they're coming anyway because I'm nice! I have made it quite clear that I don't want to be disturbed, but I'm anticipating I will be... and I don't want to get cross about it because that'll just make me seem horrible and I'm not really horrible.
My mian misgiving is that I just don't thin this house can support this many people and their PCs. It didn't work last time. There wasn't room for me here too (which considering I had the flu was a bit inconsiderate I thought!) and I don't think there will be room for me here this time. Fortunately I won't be here much, which helps. Steve wants to use the upstairs bedroom too, but that then leaves the problem of where everyone is going to sleep. Everything has a knock on effect after all.
I'll just leave them too it and try not to get in their way or be mean to them, as long as they are thoughtful in return. I hope that's not too much to ask for.

I suppose the main problem is that at the moment I just feel so out of sorts with the world. The situation with Mum and Dad continues to spiral downwards into oblivion and it feels like despite evrything we're all being dragged down with them. We can't help it. Everytime any of us get together it's all we talk about, and the issues surrounding it all go round and round and we never get close to any answers. I don't think there any answers, that's the big problem. Next week we're all going to get together to discuss what we're to do at Christmas, but if Dad is really going to ask Mum to leave the house tonight who knows what the hell that means for anything. I'm just sick of it. Sick of being made to be part of it, when all I want is to be happy. Perhaps that's selfish? Well I've always been selfish, so I'm told.

So there we are. All my happiness at passing my course and even the little bit of acclaim I got for my poems today has ebbed away and I feel like an old misery and I'm really afraid I'll take it out on Steve and his friends this weekend, when really they're not the ones to blame.

Perhaps I should have written the blog about Robinsons Fruit and Barley after all and pretended I'm ok. It might have been easier.

Simon Hart MSc!

Ha!

I passed! I wasn't really surprised, but I was pleased when I found the results waiting for me on Saturday afternoon. It seems like it's been a long time coming somehow, especially with all the dramas of the lost dissertation and the lost module results. The feedback on the dissertation was good. I scored 64% overall, which was pretty good, and as usual I fell into the trap of description rather than analysis, despite trying really hard not too. I was pleased though with the score, and I don't really think I could have done much better than I did really, not in the time I had and with the constraints of the people who wanted to be involved in the research.

So, I'm a qualified librarian. Now all I need to do is find a job where I am able to ustilise all these skills I've got. Easy! January I'll begin the hunt. There are rumours of a job coming up running the three small branch libraries, which might be good, but really I think I'd like to do something that uses my new skills better. I could have done that before the course, and I've done the management thing before. Still the pay is at the same level as the librarian jobs, so maybe it would be a good stop gap job... We'll see.

It was Vic's 30th on Friday. We celebrated fully with her! There was dinner with Mum and Dad on Friday, which went ok, but felt a bit awkward at times for all of us, although both Mum and Dad seemed to be pleased with the way it went, and then a lovely meal out in Windsor on Saturday night. Sometimes I feel a bit awkward with other people's friends, but I've known Janet and Sarah for a long, long time now, and it was only them, Em and Kev (my cousing and her fiancee) and Jay and Laura there this year and it was really good. I had a nice chat with Janet and Sarah, which was good. I don;t know why I've felt so removed from them the last few times I've seen them, as none of us are really that different from when we used to play together in the street when we were kids. It's probably just me being silly. It usually is!