Irrational Simon

Sometimes it's better to just think of the banal parts of everyday life rather than be dragged into all the behind the scenes skullduggery. Some nights it takes ages to get to sleep simply because my head is full of stuff that I need to sort out. Last night I was worried by the new trend of the washing up not getting done, this weekend's fest and what I'm going to wear to the Christmas do.
In the end I decided that none of those things were really worth worrying about as they're all pretty trivial, but they did give me a restless hour. That was a shame too, because I could have done with a good night's sleep.

As you may have noticed from that list of stuff, I gave in to my no fests in our house rule because I'm nice (and I wanted a lift home from the Christmas Do and thought I deserved to give Steve something back in advance). I'm a bit worried I have to say that already it's gained another night. I feel very mean about this, but I do need a good night's sleep before the Christmas Do. As it is I have to work on Saturday before we go out, but all the dancing takes a lot of energy... who can keep up with a group of middle aged women, after all? So I really didn't want a house full of people tomorrow night... but they're coming anyway because I'm nice! I have made it quite clear that I don't want to be disturbed, but I'm anticipating I will be... and I don't want to get cross about it because that'll just make me seem horrible and I'm not really horrible.
My mian misgiving is that I just don't thin this house can support this many people and their PCs. It didn't work last time. There wasn't room for me here too (which considering I had the flu was a bit inconsiderate I thought!) and I don't think there will be room for me here this time. Fortunately I won't be here much, which helps. Steve wants to use the upstairs bedroom too, but that then leaves the problem of where everyone is going to sleep. Everything has a knock on effect after all.
I'll just leave them too it and try not to get in their way or be mean to them, as long as they are thoughtful in return. I hope that's not too much to ask for.

I suppose the main problem is that at the moment I just feel so out of sorts with the world. The situation with Mum and Dad continues to spiral downwards into oblivion and it feels like despite evrything we're all being dragged down with them. We can't help it. Everytime any of us get together it's all we talk about, and the issues surrounding it all go round and round and we never get close to any answers. I don't think there any answers, that's the big problem. Next week we're all going to get together to discuss what we're to do at Christmas, but if Dad is really going to ask Mum to leave the house tonight who knows what the hell that means for anything. I'm just sick of it. Sick of being made to be part of it, when all I want is to be happy. Perhaps that's selfish? Well I've always been selfish, so I'm told.

So there we are. All my happiness at passing my course and even the little bit of acclaim I got for my poems today has ebbed away and I feel like an old misery and I'm really afraid I'll take it out on Steve and his friends this weekend, when really they're not the ones to blame.

Perhaps I should have written the blog about Robinsons Fruit and Barley after all and pretended I'm ok. It might have been easier.