The inevitable outcome

The inevitable happened on Monday night.
It's strange that even though I was expecting it, and I knew what the phone call was going to be before I picked it up (I thought that Dad would be the only person to call at 11.15pm) it hasn't made it any easier to deal with. I was a stunned by the news- it made me feel numb, not ready to cry straight away or anything. That did come a bit later and I had a strange day Tuesday where I was only really half with it all day. I was tempted to stay off work, but decided to try and have a normal day so that I didn't sit and dwell on the news all day.
Now we have the funeral to come, which is currently set for next Friday, but which might be postponed if the Doctor's notes aren't accepted and they have to do a post mortem. Then we're apparently having a memorial service at some point when her ashes are buried next to Grandad Norman's in Amesbury. It won't be easy because these things never are, but we'll get through it and out the other side.

Tuesday was actually a frankly bizarre day really. Aside from Steve unusually staying out for lots of drinks with work and not getting home until 12.30am, I also had a series of messages on Facebook from my old friend James Wren.
For those who don't know, James was my best friend for a while at school. It was the first of those really intense friendships I seem to attract, and we had a lot of fun for a couple of years, cycling, being silly and talking... lots of talking. Anyway, our friendship came to an end after the two of us arranged a party while my parents were on holiday that ended up pretty much trashing my parents place (yes I did that!) and when the crunch came he didn't feel able to take the blame for inviting people from Reading College along. Harsh, but true. So that was that- there was a really acrimonious accidental meeting later that summer which ended everything really, and that was that until 2000, when I saw him sat on one of the PCs in Bracknell Library. We chatted, we had a lengthy phone call and there's been a few sporadic emails since then which have been nice.
On Tuesday morning I got an apology for it all, 18 years late, but finally! I was rather choked up by that and his acknowledgment of how important our friendship was to him back then and now I deserved better. I was really touched by it all. It sounds silly, but I think we all like to be paid a compliment like that, especially as this was silly, not very confident, very geeky 15year old self that was being complimented. And you know, we did have lots of fun back then.
I haven't replied to him yet, as things have been a bit odd this week, but it is nice to know that you're appreciated. I will send him a message though. It's important.

On a similar note I just want to say thanks to everyone on Planet Skaro who sent me such lovely messages this week, and especially to Si and Mike who made me smile when I felt really low. I'm very lucky to have such a great group of friends.